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Can’t Forgive and Forget? Try These Different Ways To Forgive from the Bible

2. Blog October 26, 2024

Can’t forgive and forget? Try these different ways to forgive from the bible

Forgiveness is one of the greatest challenges we face as Christians. Whether you’ve been hurt by a friend, betrayed by a loved one, or carry wounds from the past, forgiving can often feel impossible. The idea of “forgive and forget” can seem too idealistic, especially when the pain runs deep. Yet, the Bible calls us to forgive, not just once, but repeatedly (Matthew 18:21-22). But how do we do this when our hearts are broken, and the anger feels justified?

In this post, we’ll explore various ways to embrace forgiveness through a biblical lens, giving you practical steps to release your hurt and let God heal your heart. Here are different ways to forgive from the Bible when “forgetting” isn’t easy.

1. Understand Forgiveness is a Command

The Bible is clear—God commands us to forgive others, just as He has forgiven us. Colossians 3:13 instructs us to “bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” God does not give us an option to hold onto grudges or nurse bitterness. Instead, He calls us to forgive freely and fully, trusting Him to handle justice.

When you struggle to forgive, remind yourself that you are fulfilling a divine command. While it may not feel natural, forgiveness aligns your heart with God’s will. Holding onto unforgiveness blocks your spiritual growth and limits your emotional healing. God’s command to forgive isn’t just for the benefit of others; it’s for your peace and freedom too.

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2. Acknowledge Your Pain Before Forgiving

The Bible does not ask us to ignore our hurt or pretend that nothing happened. A vital part of forgiving is being honest about the pain. In Psalm 55:12-14, David opens up about the anguish of being betrayed by a close friend, and throughout the Psalms, we see him bringing his pain before God. This honesty is crucial in your journey to forgiveness.

Before you forgive, take time to process the hurt. Acknowledge it before God in prayer, allowing Him to comfort you. As you bring your emotions into the light, God will begin to mend your heart. You cannot heal what you don’t admit is broken. So, allow yourself to feel the pain without rushing through it. Forgiveness is not a sign that what happened was okay—it’s a step toward releasing that pain to God.

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3. Remember God’s Forgiveness Toward You

One of the most effective ways to forgive others is to remember how much God has forgiven you. In Ephesians 4:32, we’re told, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” God’s mercy toward us is a model for how we should treat others, even when they don’t deserve it.

None of us are perfect, yet God forgives us repeatedly when we fall short. When we reflect on His abundant grace, it softens our hearts toward others. Realizing how much you’ve been forgiven can give you the strength to offer that same grace to those who have wronged you.

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4. Release the Offense to God

Holding onto unforgiveness can feel like holding onto power. But in reality, it only binds us in bitterness. Forgiveness is about releasing that power to God and trusting Him to handle justice in His perfect way and timing. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.“

Releasing the offense to God means you are no longer responsible for seeking revenge or retribution. God is a just and righteous judge, and He promises to deal with wrongs done to you. By forgiving, you let go of the desire for payback and allow God to take control.

5. Forgive as Many Times as Needed

Forgiveness is not always a one-time event. Depending on the offense, you may need to choose forgiveness daily. Matthew 18:21-22 recounts how Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him. Jesus replied, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” This wasn’t a literal number but a call to unlimited forgiveness.

In practice, this means continually giving up the right to hold onto resentment, even if the same hurt keeps coming up. Each time you remember the pain, make the conscious choice to forgive again. Over time, your heart will heal, and forgiveness will become more natural.

6. Pray for Those Who Hurt You

One of the most powerful tools for forgiving someone is prayer. Matthew 5:44 teaches us to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Praying for those who hurt you may be difficult, but it’s also transformative. When you pray for your offender, you invite God to work in their heart and yours.

Start by asking God to give you a heart of compassion for the person who hurt you. Pray for their well-being and for God to work in their life. This act of obedience can soften your heart and pave the way for genuine forgiveness.

7. Seek Support from Christian Counseling

Sometimes the wounds we carry are too heavy to bear alone. In cases of deep trauma or ongoing hurt, seeking the guidance of Christian counseling can help. A faith-based counselor can walk you through the steps of forgiveness while incorporating biblical principles and spiritual guidance. They provide a safe space to process your emotions and offer practical tools to help you let go of past hurts.

Forgiveness is not something we are expected to do in isolation. Christian counseling can serve as a support system, helping you break free from the chains of bitterness and live in the peace that Christ offers.

Choosing Forgiveness Today

Forgiveness is hard work, but it is one of the most freeing gifts you can give yourself. By following these biblical principles, you allow God’s love and grace to flow into the broken places of your heart. You don’t have to forgive alone—God is with you every step of the way, empowering you to release the hurt and embrace peace.

Remember the words of Matthew 6:14: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Your journey to forgiveness is not just about the other person—it’s about walking in alignment with God’s heart for you.

Ready to take the next step? Reach out for Christian counseling services today, and allow God to guide you in the path of forgiveness.

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