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Boundaries During Separation

TOPIC SUMMARY:

The old adage, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” can be true. A separation can be a fruitful time for making the marriage healthy again.Making a choice to separate does not in any way have to mean that divorce is inevitable. Separation can actually be a helpful tool to getting you back on track. But, you need to establish some clear rules for this time if you want to set yourselves up for reconciliation. Use these tips to make your time of separation productive.

John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

Tip #1: Agree on your final destination

The only way separation will be helpful is if you both agree on where you’re trying to go. As a couple, you need to decide what you hope to get from a time of separation. Hopefully, you both agree that the ultimate goal is to save the marriage. So, the time of separation is meant to give each other some space to work on the individual things so you are ready to talk about the marriage down the line.

[Related Topic: Hope for reconciliation]

Tip #2: Tell you spouse how they can earn your trust back

Trust has to be at the foundation of a healthy marriage. Whatever the reasons why your marriage is in trouble, you need to identify where trust has been broken and tell your spouse what they need to do to earn it back. So, if your spouse had an affair, talk about the specific things you need to see from them to know that they are done with the other relationship. If your spouse was emotionally absent from the marriage, tell them what they need to do to show you that they care. The more specific you can be, the better. Trust is a measurable thing. You will know if you can trust your spouse when you see them doing things that you’ve asked them to do.

Boundaries during separation

Tip #3: Agree on appropriate boundaries

This can be tough but it’s very important to establish the rules of engagement during separation. Likely, you both are feeling vulnerable and hurt so one or both of you aren’t ready to act like everything can go back to normal. Discuss how often you feel comfortable talking to one another. Is is over the phone, through email, or can you go to dinner once a week? Will you be affectionate with one another or is that totally off the table for now. Boundaries are unique to every couple and every situation that led to the separation. The point is to agree on boundaries that you both can feel comfortable with and doesn’t put either of you in a compromising position.

Tip #4: Seek individual counseling

Separation is a great time to work on yourselves. Identify the things in your own life that contributed to the marital problems and work on getting healthy in those areas. As you get healthy, individually, you will have a better perspective on how to come back to the marriage in a productive way. Forcing marriage counseling too early will only make the situation worse. Take the time to work on the individual stuff, first, and come together for marriage counseling when you both feel ready.

Watch and Discuss:

1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.

2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?

3. Why are you considering separation or why did you decide to separate?

4. Read John 10:10. Identify the areas where your marriage is totally broken. How can those areas be redeemed with God’s help?

5. Which of the 4 tips is the most important to you right now? Explain.

6. What issues do you need to work on in individual counseling? What would you say for your spouse?

7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

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Step 1 of 3

Step 1: Basic Information

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Step 3: Agreements

A. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING EXPECTATIONS

1. Christian/Biblical Counseling: Biblical Counseling, sometimes called Pastoral Counseling or Christian Counseling, has the Lord Jesus Christ as its center.

It is the counsel which:

a) Includes listening, teaching, encouraging, preparing, comforting, warning, admonishing.

c) Its purpose is to glorify God and guide the counselee into an increased understanding of his/her personal, love, grace-oriented relationship with Jesus Christ.

d) Will result in pursuing a transformed life that reflects God’s grace, glory, and joy. This type of counseling is in contrast to secular forms of counseling. Our goal is to:

“Proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me” (Col 1:28-29).

“Equip the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ” (Eph 4:12-13).

2. Referrals to Professionals: If you have significant legal, medical, or other technical questions, seek advice from independent professionals. Our Christian counselors will cooperate with such advisors and help you to consider their counsel in light of relevant scriptural principles.

3. Intent Listening: We encourage counselees to speak their minds appropriately and discuss thoughts, anxieties, and fears so the counselor can clearly understand core problems.

4. Assignments: Counselees progress more rapidly when they study or perform specific informational or behavioral assignments individually tailored to the problem.

5. Accountability: We desire to maximize your and the counselor’s time. One of our goals is to help believers learn how to glorify God and have the outward life reflect the yielded, godly inward life, resulting in peace and joy. Therefore, each counselee must participate actively in the counseling sessions and excercises between the sessions.

6. Length of Counseling: Biblical Counseling will vary in the amount of time required according to the individual, his/her motivation, the amount of time spent on homework, and the particular situation and/or problem. On average, Biblical Counseling requires less time than conventional, secular counseling. Simple issues may be solved in one session. Difficult situations often require a more extended period. When multiple people are involved in the counseling, more may be needed as frequently happens in marriage counseling. Substance abuse and addiction problems may require many more sessions, with intensive accountability, drug tests, and other professional help.

B. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING AGREEMENT

I/We affirm the accuracy of the personal information provided herein, have read the information above, and agree to the conditions. I now agree to the following conditions:

1. I (We) understand that the counseling I, my family, or those legally under my guardianship will receive will be based upon the Bible to glorify God and lead to a healthy, Spirit-empowered grace-filled life.

2. I (We) will keep the appointment time or will call before 72 hours to cancel. If I cancel an appointment with less than 72 hours' notice or fail to show up, I will be charged for the appointment due to losing the counselor’s time or other potential appointments.

3. I (We) understand that confidentiality is an integral part of the counseling process, and my counselor is careful to protect confidentiality, desiring to operate under high ethical principles. However, there are times when my counselor must share certain information with others, such as revealed information that indicates a genuine potential for harm to me or others. In that case, counselors may have to share that information with the appropriate authorities or family members, being obligated by conscience and the laws of the State of Florida regarding counseling relationships.

4. I (We) understand that Impact Family Inc. has cameras in the building to monitor movements for security purposes. All inbound or outbound contact with the client via phone or webcam sessions may be recorded for quality insurance and kept in a secure HIPPA-compliant data file/center(Google Drive) with two-factor authentication. If recorded, all data will be deleted or turned over to the client upon written request on our contact page.

5. I (We) understand that contributing online or by phone demonstrates that I have read, heard, and agreed with these essential terms. I will read further on the website (www.impact.vision/terms) any other terms and conditions not communicated in this summary agreement statement.

5. I (We) now agree to hold all independently contracted Christian Counselors affiliated with Impact Family Counseling Network and its leadership harmless from any advice, counsel, or suggestions rendered during our counseling sessions. I (We) recognize that their role is to assist me/us in hearing and understanding God’s will in the matters we discuss. Therefore, we will not prosecute or engage in any litigation negatively affecting Impact Family Inc., Impact Family Biblical Christian Counseling Network, Impact Family Network, or organizations granting them the ability and resources to provide counseling services. We will follow an Amicable Dispute Resolution with Professional Christian Mediation Companies only.

6. I (We) agree not to attempt to subpoena or require any counselor to appear in any legal proceeding related to any matters discussed during counseling, nor will I (we) attempt to subpoena any notes or records associated with this counseling.

C. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CONTRIBUTIONS

Impact Family Inc. is a faith-based ministry that depends upon the generous contributions of its counselees, members, and partners. Impact Family Inc. underwrites additional costs. We encourage you to pray and ask the Lord what you should give above the suggested amount on the counselor’s profile.

If you cannot offer that amount financially or in kind, if your Church refuses to help with a contribution, or if you have questions, please discuss them with our team or apply for a scholarship.

Checks or money orders are to be written to Impact Family Inc. You can also donate online at www.impact.vision/donate. To schedule a session, please go directly to our team page.

Suggested Donation Amounts For Sessions:

$85-$150 new clients/intake session
$85-$150 existing clients
Sessions last, on average, 50-150 minutes.
See current contribution amounts here https://impact.vision/session

For mailed-in payments with written permission from the Executive director, please send your check or money order to us at:

Impact Family Inc.
8362 Pines Blvd. #116
Pembroke Pines, FL 33024

Counseling sessions with mailed payments are not scheduled until contributions have been received, deposited and cleared in bank account. Please schedule 2 to 3 weeks before sending the contribution.

D. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CHILDCARE

Unfortunately, Impact Family Inc. is unable to provide childcare. If bringing a child, please ensure the issues you present to the counselor are appropriate for them.

E. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CANCELLATION, RESCHEDULING, & REFUNDS

Clients are entitled to a full refund if they cancel 72 hours before the appointment by clicking the cancelation link on your client portal bookings page and clicking refund on the orders page. View Refund Process Tutorial
Clients are entitled to a full refund if the counselor does not attend the session after 15 minutes of their scheduled appointment. After 10 minutes of waiting, you must
- 1) knock on their door (Client's doing an office session)
- 2) call their phone number and extension that is listed in the email confirmation sent to your inbox
- 3) email them with the email address in the confirmation sent to your inbox
- 4) contact the support team through our contact page
If clients have verified documentation of a medical emergency or death in your immediate family, you are entitled to a 100% coupon to reschedule your session at another more convenient time.
To reschedule your session, go to your Client Portal @ Click Edit on your Session | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/calendar-client-portal
- Step 1: Login Into Your Client Portal & Cancel the Session | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/calendar-client-portal
- Step 2: Go To Orders And Request a Refund before the 72-hour deadline | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/my-account/orders
- Watch the refund tutorial for help.

View other terms and conditions.

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