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Six Levels of Marriage Communication

Marriage, at its core, thrives on effective communication. Renowned relationship expert Gary Smalley outlined a framework to help couples understand and improve the way they connect with each other. His “6 Levels of Marriage Communication” provides a detailed guide to deepening intimacy through focused and intentional conversation. This blog explores each level and offers practical advice for couples looking to enhance their marital communication.

Level 1: Surface Communication

At the first level, communication is basic and often revolves around day-to-day activities and logistics. Conversations typically include topics like “What’s for dinner?” or “Did you pay the bills?” While seemingly mundane, these interactions are essential for managing a household and sharing responsibilities.

Tip for Couples: Use these moments to show appreciation and attention to detail, which can strengthen the bond even in routine exchanges.

Level 2: Reporting Facts

Here, couples share information and facts but avoid personal opinions or emotions. This level is about conveying information, like discussing news events or sharing updates about work.

Tip for Couples: Try to engage more deeply with the topics by asking open-ended questions to encourage your partner to share more than just facts.

Level 3: Sharing Ideas and Judgments

This level involves more vulnerability as couples start to share their opinions and judgments. Discussions might center on political views, parenting styles, or personal preferences.

Tip for Couples: Respect and openness are crucial at this stage. Acknowledge your partner’s views and explore the reasons behind their opinions without judgment.

Good marriage communication like sharing feelings and emotions

Level 4: Sharing Feelings and Emotions

Emotionally charged communication happens at this level. Sharing feelings about a job, fears, joys, or frustrations allows couples to deepen their emotional connection.

Tip for Couples: Practice active listening and validate each other’s feelings. It’s not about solving problems but understanding and empathizing with your partner’s emotional state.

Level 5: Sharing Needs, Desires, and Prayers

Level five is about expressing deeper needs and desires, including hopes for the future or spiritual life. Sharing at this level can significantly enhance intimacy as it involves opening up about personal dreams and vulnerabilities.

Tip for Couples: Create a safe and supportive environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their deepest desires and fears.

Level 6: Complete Emotional and Personal Communication

The deepest level of communication involves a complete and unguarded sharing of one’s self. This includes fears, failures, successes, and deep personal experiences. At this level, nothing is held back, allowing for total understanding and acceptance.

Tip for Couples: Trust and security are fundamental at this stage. It’s essential to maintain confidentiality and show unconditional love and support.

Conclusion

Gary Smalley’s 6 Levels of Marriage Communication is a powerful tool that can help couples navigate the complexities of marital interaction. By understanding and practicing these levels, couples can build a stronger, more resilient relationship. Each level builds upon the previous one, so it’s important to develop gradually and consistently. Remember, the goal of communication in marriage is not just to inform but to connect, and these levels provide a roadmap for deepening that connection.

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Step 3: Agreements

A. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING EXPECTATIONS

1. Christian/Biblical Counseling: Biblical Counseling, sometimes called Pastoral Counseling or Christian Counseling, has the Lord Jesus Christ as its center.

It is the counsel which:

a) Includes listening, teaching, encouraging, preparing, comforting, warning, admonishing.

c) Its purpose is to glorify God and guide the counselee into an increased understanding of his/her personal, love, grace-oriented relationship with Jesus Christ.

d) Will result in pursuing a transformed life that reflects God’s grace, glory, and joy. This type of counseling is in contrast to secular forms of counseling. Our goal is to:

“Proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me” (Col 1:28-29).

“Equip the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ” (Eph 4:12-13).

2. Referrals to Professionals: If you have significant legal, medical, or other technical questions, seek advice from independent professionals. Our Christian counselors will cooperate with such advisors and help you to consider their counsel in light of relevant scriptural principles.

3. Intent Listening: We encourage counselees to speak their minds appropriately and discuss thoughts, anxieties, and fears so the counselor can clearly understand core problems.

4. Assignments: Counselees progress more rapidly when they study or perform specific informational or behavioral assignments individually tailored to the problem.

5. Accountability: We desire to maximize your and the counselor’s time. One of our goals is to help believers learn how to glorify God and have the outward life reflect the yielded, godly inward life, resulting in peace and joy. Therefore, each counselee must participate actively in the counseling sessions and excercises between the sessions.

6. Length of Counseling: Biblical Counseling will vary in the amount of time required according to the individual, his/her motivation, the amount of time spent on homework, and the particular situation and/or problem. On average, Biblical Counseling requires less time than conventional, secular counseling. Simple issues may be solved in one session. Difficult situations often require a more extended period. When multiple people are involved in the counseling, more may be needed as frequently happens in marriage counseling. Substance abuse and addiction problems may require many more sessions, with intensive accountability, drug tests, and other professional help.

B. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING AGREEMENT

I/We affirm the accuracy of the personal information provided herein, have read the information above, and agree to the conditions. I now agree to the following conditions:

1. I (We) understand that the counseling I, my family, or those legally under my guardianship will receive will be based upon the Bible to glorify God and lead to a healthy, Spirit-empowered grace-filled life.

2. I (We) will keep the appointment time or will call before 72 hours to cancel. If I cancel an appointment with less than 72 hours' notice or fail to show up, I will be charged for the appointment due to losing the counselor’s time or other potential appointments.

3. I (We) understand that confidentiality is an integral part of the counseling process, and my counselor is careful to protect confidentiality, desiring to operate under high ethical principles. However, there are times when my counselor must share certain information with others, such as revealed information that indicates a genuine potential for harm to me or others. In that case, counselors may have to share that information with the appropriate authorities or family members, being obligated by conscience and the laws of the State of Florida regarding counseling relationships.

4. I (We) understand that Impact Family Inc. has cameras in the building to monitor movements for security purposes. All inbound or outbound contact with the client via phone or webcam sessions may be recorded for quality insurance and kept in a secure HIPPA-compliant data file/center(Google Drive) with two-factor authentication. If recorded, all data will be deleted or turned over to the client upon written request on our contact page.

5. I (We) understand that contributing online or by phone demonstrates that I have read, heard, and agreed with these essential terms. I will read further on the website (www.impact.vision/terms) any other terms and conditions not communicated in this summary agreement statement.

5. I (We) now agree to hold all independently contracted Christian Counselors affiliated with Impact Family Counseling Network and its leadership harmless from any advice, counsel, or suggestions rendered during our counseling sessions. I (We) recognize that their role is to assist me/us in hearing and understanding God’s will in the matters we discuss. Therefore, we will not prosecute or engage in any litigation negatively affecting Impact Family Inc., Impact Family Biblical Christian Counseling Network, Impact Family Network, or organizations granting them the ability and resources to provide counseling services. We will follow an Amicable Dispute Resolution with Professional Christian Mediation Companies only.

6. I (We) agree not to attempt to subpoena or require any counselor to appear in any legal proceeding related to any matters discussed during counseling, nor will I (we) attempt to subpoena any notes or records associated with this counseling.

C. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CONTRIBUTIONS

Impact Family Inc. is a faith-based ministry that depends upon the generous contributions of its counselees, members, and partners. Impact Family Inc. underwrites additional costs. We encourage you to pray and ask the Lord what you should give above the suggested amount on the counselor’s profile.

If you cannot offer that amount financially or in kind, if your Church refuses to help with a contribution, or if you have questions, please discuss them with our team or apply for a scholarship.

Checks or money orders are to be written to Impact Family Inc. You can also donate online at www.impact.vision/donate. To schedule a session, please go directly to our team page.

Suggested Donation Amounts For Sessions:

$85-$150 new clients/intake session
$85-$150 existing clients
Sessions last, on average, 50-150 minutes.
See current contribution amounts here https://impact.vision/session

For mailed-in payments with written permission from the Executive director, please send your check or money order to us at:

Impact Family Inc.
8362 Pines Blvd. #116
Pembroke Pines, FL 33024

Counseling sessions with mailed payments are not scheduled until contributions have been received, deposited and cleared in bank account. Please schedule 2 to 3 weeks before sending the contribution.

D. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CHILDCARE

Unfortunately, Impact Family Inc. is unable to provide childcare. If bringing a child, please ensure the issues you present to the counselor are appropriate for them.

E. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CANCELLATION, RESCHEDULING, & REFUNDS

Clients are entitled to a full refund if they cancel 72 hours before the appointment by clicking the cancelation link on your client portal bookings page and clicking refund on the orders page. View Refund Process Tutorial
Clients are entitled to a full refund if the counselor does not attend the session after 15 minutes of their scheduled appointment. After 10 minutes of waiting, you must
- 1) knock on their door (Client's doing an office session)
- 2) call their phone number and extension that is listed in the email confirmation sent to your inbox
- 3) email them with the email address in the confirmation sent to your inbox
- 4) contact the support team through our contact page
If clients have verified documentation of a medical emergency or death in your immediate family, you are entitled to a 100% coupon to reschedule your session at another more convenient time.
To reschedule your session, go to your Client Portal @ Click Edit on your Session | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/calendar-client-portal
- Step 1: Login Into Your Client Portal & Cancel the Session | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/calendar-client-portal
- Step 2: Go To Orders And Request a Refund before the 72-hour deadline | Direct Link: https://impact.vision/my-account/orders
- Watch the refund tutorial for help.

View other terms and conditions.

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