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Why Wont My Husband Have Sex With Me

It’s a question that many women may find themselves asking in their marriage at some point: “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?” This situation can be painful and confusing. Often, the lack of sexual intimacy isn’t about a lack of love or attraction but rather deeper, more complex issues affecting one’s spouse. In this blog, we will explore some of the common reasons, including intimacy anorexia, depression, emotional withholding, and other relational strains that might lead a husband to avoid sexual intimacy.

1. Intimacy Anorexia

Intimacy anorexia is a term used to describe a condition where one spouse actively withholds emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from their partner. This could manifest as avoiding sex and affection, being too busy or tired for intimacy, or not engaging in meaningful conversations.

Dealing with Intimacy Anorexia:

  • Encourage open discussions about each other’s feelings and needs.
  • Seek couples therapy to address the issues in a safe environment.
  • Educate yourselves about this condition through books or counseling.

2. Depression

Depression can significantly dampen sexual desire and energy levels. If your husband is suffering from depression, he might lose interest in activities that used to bring him pleasure, including sex. Depression often makes individuals withdraw from their partners, not out of disinterest, but because of their inner turmoil.

Supporting a Spouse with Depression:

  • Encourage him to seek professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist.
  • Offer your understanding and patience, knowing that recovery can take time.
  • Stay involved in activities that promote his well-being and support a healthy lifestyle.

3. Blame and Emotional Withholding

Sometimes, unresolved conflicts and harbored resentments can lead to a husband withholding love and affection as a form of punishment or as a way to cope with unresolved anger. This withholding can include everything from affection to conversation and, yes, sex.

Addressing Emotional Withholding:

  • Initiate a conversation about any unresolved issues in the relationship.
  • Consider couples counseling to mediate and resolve deep-seated conflicts.
  • Make efforts to reconnect through small, non-sexual acts of kindness.
Loss of husband intimacy

4. Anger and Silence

Anger, when not properly expressed and resolved, can lead to silence and emotional distance. If your husband is angry, whether about aspects of the relationship, external stresses like work or money, he might find it difficult to engage in a loving, intimate relationship.

Handling Anger and Silence:

  • Create a non-judgmental space for him to express his frustrations.
  • Address any behaviors or patterns in the relationship that contribute to his anger.
  • Consider anger management or therapy if anger is a frequent issue.

5. Money Issues

Financial stress is a common reason couples experience strain in their relationship, including their sexual relationship. The stress and worry about finances can consume a person’s thoughts, leaving little room for sexual desire.

Managing Financial Stress:

  • Work together to create a transparent and feasible financial plan.
  • Seek advice from financial advisors or counselors if needed.
  • Reassure each other of your commitment to work through financial troubles together.


The lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage can be symptomatic of underlying personal or relational issues. Understanding these causes can help address the root of the problem rather than just the symptoms. It’s important to approach this delicate topic with empathy, patience, and openness to change. Through communication, professional help, and mutual effort to resolve the underlying issues, many couples can restore intimacy and strengthen their relationship.

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